Today was adoozy, but I survived as the pix showed. There was some headache and stomach disorder, but Carol stoppe d at ZmcDonalds for me and thecdiuble cheeseburger stsyed down alongcwithvthe ice tea chaser. And I walked around the block whenbZi got home! I thought that was a success love your comments and your well wishes. Remember you can email or reach me on Facetime at my Apple address(get rid of the Charter. They have lost a number of my mails, because of the cloud transfer. Use [email protected] instead! God bless, Peter

 

NOTE! You may finish this particular post or scroll back to the posts where I used methapors such paradigms to assist me in finding this new " Normal

I also received input that I may have neglected to bring on board and as a result they were confused to what I was doing. That is what I am trying to accomplishthis morning, but I also want to be clear, that I am not a writer! Truth to be toldmy night school English teacher way back at Morristown NJ! Would be horrified at my sentence structures , syntax, etc. but hey I passed the 4 day long GED test allowing me to gain emplyment with acgood company. I am also relaying on your brain, which scientifically has been proven to fill in the blanks , including spelling. Also think great writers like Shakespeare require Notes to get you through chapters on Hamlet, right? The last sentence may have been a but harsh, but it was intented as an answer for my own deficiencies.

Through millenia , settlers of Planet Earth knew, that some day creatures such as humans or animals had to make this final journee, what we simply call death! It could be through natural causes where the body just shuts down i doubt it if I would have started a search for my own

I doubt it , if I required a search for my new "Normal however it became a live saver or sort of battlecry allowing meto sort through my dilemma. let's face it I have been dealt a plethora of serious healthcissues, including the latest, that my cancer had returned an will require aggressive treatments. What makes the oncologist's job harder is that I have also bad kidneysand that I require daily dialysis! My body over the pastfew years all the way back to when I was born had to struggle hard just to beat the odds as Helene with Frsenius told me once. The kidney issues are heritidary and my mom passed on the faulty gene to me and my brother unwittingly, just as I did for both of my beloved daughters! I seeked out medical support through Dr Arlene Chapman at Emory and even participated in a cohort study financed by our government. I made changes to my diet,, because research showed at the time, that thevwrong nutrition actually impair the kidneys. We thought we were making progress on the short term to stave off dialysis, just to find out 2 years ago, that my time had come to start dialysis. There are two types. The common Hemo dialysis usually administered in a clinic twice axweek, but this method , because of the high pressures applied is difficult on your body. So I opted for peritoneal dialysis wherethrough asurgically implanted catheder you are hooked up to what is known as accycler on acnightly basis, easier on your body because the toxins are removed prior to entering the blood stream!and since the taskcan be performed by the patient it makes for a better and patient controlledqualityof life. Shortly after I was placed on peritoneal I packed up and flew out to California to take care of my daughter's and roommate 's animals for a month! Her dog and myself drove along the coast of California all the way to Crater Lake Oregon. I even managed to reconnect with an Army Buddy. I had the time of my life for two months. That was the proof for me, thatthere was life after dialysis. Then I hadcto face up that cancer had snuck into myvprostate an I opted for the radical removal surgery. Obvioudly thatvhadcacmajorimpact on my manhood. It is now known that many men after prostatectomy suffer from heightenedcdepression , probably similar data exist for women impctingctheir womanhood. OK what does that have to do with mysearch for my new normal now?we talked earlier about death. Some people deal with it their own way i remember severalvyears ago attending a funeral and one attendee greeted It was his friend I assumed. Hey John it is good to see , but you are getting up in years,, are you going to be next? It almost floored me, and I thought it had tobe the most unsensitive comment I had evercwitnessed! Some people cannot bring themselves to face death understandably so. We all have been part of a loved one departing and as caring survivor we have shared information such as " he is with peace with god. I have been extremely fortunate that although it is the worst category of brain cancer rated at 4, the top assigned number. Goint to Duke and finding Dr Friedman the surgeon, has given me a new lease on life, indeed a special gift on Nov 16 , last year he managed to remove the entire mass according to MRI scans taken right after the surgery. Subsequent treatments such as radiation and Chemo andstrong steriods turned me into moon face, bearly indications seemed to be pronusing, until a couple weeks ago when strongxheadaches an impaired daily activities suchxas tiengxyour own shoes were indicative that somethingxwas remiss. mRI's supported the fact that an additional mass had reappeared and after three days we were informed that they could not perform surgery again as the new mass had shufted!

At that time it hit me likecton of bricks and the need fo my own acceptance became very important

I don' t know when my timecwill come but I decided to hit theissues associated head on!one thing became clear, my healtvissues hadcplaceda tremendous load on them an I couldn't continue in this mode constantly Carol, and both my girls my family in Germany as all siblings came to visit, even a couple if distant nieces. My sister living in Mariettaand steppingcfirward and others friendshadLike Dee seem to have aclockvgo off ehen I would love a chicken buscuit and jyst shows up exactly at thexright time valiantlybecause of my serious healthcissues thecdictor's have disallowed me from driving. Carol had to carrycthis load and it has frustrated me to the point ifcunhappiness, that shechas tivkeeo up with my medicationensuring that I get mycdialysis done and deal with me and mycmood changes as axresult of the steriods and others.   Add to that , that I still want to be ofuse! One plan would have me flycto California andrent a house and Margaret ciuld look in on me and we couldcreate relief for Carol. Thecother wouldxinvolvecHouston Texas and perhaps gather a secondmedicalcopinion from Dm Anderson clinic as we had encountered occasional disconnects from Duke to the cancer Centwr here in Athens! I discussed the plan associated with theckead oncologist Dr Vrana and he counselled it as unwise and very bluntly told me thatthectreatments scheduled here in Athens would becthe same in Houston! He even went one step further and said that if I wasxaware a delay could be construed as a suicide attempt. That got mycattention

Consequently, I made the decision as part of my new Normal or survival guide. To keep fighting back, that for thexfireseeable future I wouldxstick with mycexistingmedicalcteam, stillbinvolving Duke and Dr Vrana, but wexwill have toctighten the orocess. I will also explore where I would live, because if thexearlier discussion. I will attemtt to findinner happiness, happiness,despite mycmiserable healthissues that is why I need to be sel reliant, that makes mechappy and as long as I am physically able to perform certain tasks, that producesxinner strengthcwithin me! Hillary saidit is too bad thatI am not Chicago or New York where public transportation wouldxallow me mirecoptions, withoutxa car! Well yesterday. I wound upcwalking from Cvs at Alps home around 3 miles andxstop forcfresh bead an pumpkin spicecfrozen yoghurt alongcthexway. Even attended a neighbor's garage sale and broufht back a n heir loom silent butler. It gave me an incredible lif, although I wasxtired and I had left myccellvphone unchargedxat home. I will haveto modify mycapproach incthexfurure, be cause it left Carol and Dee full ofcworries regarding mycwhhereabouts, butcnow I can feel easier about mycupconingxstressxtest with the cardiologist nextweek!

Part ofvmyfinal chaptwrcrequest iscthat I am full of gratitude to all of you including mycfamily and curcle ofxfriends who supported me in my old normal, so as I transitioncliser to my hopefully settled down ne wNormal' that I can include in my new Normal or new Life ifu will". I would love to ask you face to face for your consent as I havexdone alreadybecause I don't want to assume anything. Undercthe current circumstances that may be inpossible. Consequently, if youvibdeed wantcto join me in my search for my new "normal then drop me avline via mycnew Apple email ID. I establidhed it exactly for thatxpurpose andcitherxtechnical reasons. It comes right to my Ipad and it is easy tocremember. [email protected] will try to cobtact you either via phone or if you are a Facetime user you can reach me viacthat method. Itcis simikar to Skype but bettwr in quality andcyouvcan getrid ofTge Charterr charter ID. They were losing my messagesxanyway!

 

I think we have been waiting for this an my approaching thevend of my new " Normal. Keep in mind it still is fluid and on -going!

If you receive the news, that you have an incurable disease and you are in what theyvclassify a terminal patient everybody is going to handle itvdifferently. I have never been kicked on thecstomach bu a horse orva kickboxer, yet it felt just likevthat when Duke confirmed that more mass had formeandcrequirdcaggressivectreatments, despite my weaknkidneys, in other words the cancer had maditself right at home+ brought reinforcements! on the form of the massIt was overwhelming and almost buckled my knees. On the way back as my sister and Carol was driving, suddenly my new brainbhathedvthatbthought, that we needed to accept that I will have for the rest of my life a new " Normal or new Life, since we don't know how my body will fight along. That part is what I have to draw up for my self! Initially I thought that would beceasy, but as I have written before, the only toolsIIhad myset of paradigms " i had never had brain cancer before. So how dobyouvstart? That is why I used aradigms as a common link.or attitude readjustment ent as the leitmotif. I am still smazed as thecword differs in differentvlanguages, especially in my mothervtongue; German. For instance one of the definitions is Beispiels muster or sample template! If you an engineer, you freely talk about prototype. You see the relationship emerging? Who created this template within us? More thanlikelyour parents, a teacher, a policeman, An Army drill sergeant a boss? A spouse?

Having strong paradigms is a good thingafter all it equips us with a set ofbeliefshowever it could slso be counter productive and literally tie us down, in a way where we don't see thevtrees for thevforest! A good friend of my mindvdeveloped sleep difficulties, because of what was goingon in DC. I decided to invite him for breakfast and seevifvwe could talk outbthe issue over breakfastHere it is when it becomesvinteresting. CArol found about my plans and said, you can't talk to him , he is a Democrat! I replied so what? Bob has a hostvofcsharedcvaluescwith me andcwe both care about the well being ofvour country. The breakfast was atotal success and when I told Bob what Carol had said, hevlaughed outloud and said i am not a real Democrat and then explaoning duringvthe lastvelection he had voted for the best candidate not necessarily for a specific party

To me he had broken thevtemplate and performedvacparadigm shift inbthe classic sense, which I think was verybhealthy. I will still have to go back to the beginning of mybroad and post some ofthe instances where I shifted, because if I did not, I probably would not bevhere. It will be acdifferent post spread over a few days, because right now, I am tryingbto get stronger both mentally and physically to commence my aggressive cancer treatment   next week!here sre some conclusions, they may or may not happen word by word , but they have given me that tremndous lightness some psychatrist talkbabout. Yea I know that not everybody feels tremendousvrelief when adifficult decisionbisvreachedcanvwevcanbmovevon! It is notbthat easy when you have acterminal illness slowing down your body

I discoveredthat you body gives you a fantastic healing agent called yourvsense ofvhumor and you can built on that in variouscways. For me is to getvsomeone around me to feel good about something. You would be amazed for instance that commenting on some one's smile the other person just gives back a load ofvpositivevenergy! Infectingvbothbof you! You can instantly reap the results of your action. A simple smile will get bigger and thevpositive energy starts filling your own body. Trybit out sometimes and it is not a gender issue. It works on anybody. Let them know what it means to yoy! Of course I hsveca bit of advantage there when I tell them of my brain cancer and hoe they contributed to make my day! Always have a short funny story ready for thevhardccases who willnot smile to begin with. Another ploy I am usingbis the hat you have commented on. You see I discoveredwhen you arecwearingvachat, even today people expects you know thevproper etiquette and not just individuals who came from a different era! Living ina college town has its advantages and I was amazed how many ofvthevyoung sorotirscsistersvrespondedctoba tip of the hat and when you wave the the entirebhat andvencounterba group ofvthesecsisters you even get a curtsy back. As I said you can have fun and make peoply smile in thevprocess. Gosh, I wish hats wouldvcome back. Remembervthe times women would go all outto wearvthesevwonderful creations and usvguys couldstare at thevhat rather than a certain part ofcthe eomen's anatomy. Too bad for that part of bygone era! What do you think! You see for meto keep me focussed I havecestablished a soft countbtotal per day. Itry to get st least three smiles aay. Women or men, doesn't make difference. Men need smiles ,too

That project makes you get off thevcouch and walkboutside orvto thestore orvtestaurant. Take your pick! it is worth it. Reader's Digest, remember that publication had at lest one section deboted to Lsughtervis the best medicine. I used tobrushbout and getvthevlatest cop, totally overlooking any otherstories, untilbreading that section and thevmilitaryvhumor section

Here iscehere I am heading as part of my journee and the choices I have made they aredtill fluid in the embronic stage! At one timecwecdiscussedcthat I couldvgo out to california provide rest for Carol my care giver. She had to pick up axtremendousvload in driving me keepingvup with my changing moods anddoctor's appointments. Ifvyou have ever been av24?ht pervday caregiver youbknow what I am talking aboutthe other option was to go to HoustonTexascfor axsecondopion as we had somevproblems withvDuke controllingvthevprotocoll for my treatments, but theAthens cancer clinic zctully doin the treatments

I decided to take the experts advice and will stay pu trightere in Athens where my doctors andvfriends are

First of all let me thank everybody on this blog, who werepart of my old "Normal. You have donecavgreat service to me and pushed orccuddled me along, especially myvwife Carol and both my daughters!i alsovreceivedcgreat help from otherscsychcas Bob Carsonvin taking of tieingvup myvfinancialbinterest and makingvusbmoney!Lastly to make itveasier on Carol, I may relocate within

The key here is i want to keep recapturing my skills and take the load the groups mentionedcearlier. I am making progress there. I walkedcat least three miles on my own. If youvfamiliar with Cvs at Alps here in Athens and our home you know thecterrain and the hills so I thought of it as a tremendousvsuccess

Tomorrow I will bevposting onvwhat I am titling the body's shutdown, which I am experiencing and Ivwill likenbit to computers even we are talking about my final journeytinterestingthings are happening to my body. Please let me know ifvyou want me to write about that segmentI have joinedca Twitter account for the solecreason to stalk, Bill Gates. He hascdone aclot ofresearch on thevhumans notvusingcallbofvtheirvbrain. Well after Dr Friedmanremovedcthecfirst mass , my brain reconfigureditselfvin axway, wheremy whole thinking process was impacted and I thinkbutilized some ofvthat previously unusedc areacofvmyvbrain, sort ofcacsoftcswitch occurred. It lasted aboutvthree days and then it was gone. Initially I thought Dr Friedman hadcgiven me a new brain, whichchecdenied, but wouldn't it be wonderful ifvit wasvpossible tovredirect your brainbin such acway. It wascincrediblecfor me. Almost ScIFi

Just think, i was working on a n issue, requiring ultimately, that the case probably wouldvwind up at thecSupreme Court. I have had legalbtraining, but that night I was discussing my reasoningvto Judge Roberts inblegalbterms

Wild, huh?let me know, I have somevother hum dingers, but right now I am tryingvto findvout more sboutvTwitter sovIvcan get invtouch withvBillbGates. If youbknow, let me know

 

It iscgetting late out East and I will have to post my piece tomorrow! I had a mixed bag kind of day! Obviously Hillary and Chris providedmewith a Zillion deposits tomy depleted mental account! Wonderful to have them here!i   saw.A Cardiologist today as I have been short on breath, especially when we ascendvhills. It seems that an argumentvwevhad, caused me severevpain in the chest and othervimpairments on theblegt side! The doc said, that based on our observations he wouldvhave started a heart cathederation investigation, but with the imminent stsrting of the aggressive cancer trestment schedule, he did nwant to upset the kidneys needlessly and I sgreed with him so now I will have to perform asttress

  • Next week! Always something!
 
Picture
All summer I wore a straw hat and protected the surgery scar. The weather has turned cool and I did not want to look like hayseed. So Carol found this replacement. It has secured me along with a number of complements hope you like it. The shirt was given to me by Gerta during my last German trip and has scmeat tie to go along. Ladies know how to dress their men. What do you think?
 

We had another great lunch, thanks to Elisabeth and Betty on Friday! It was great for me to get all thesevwonderful hugs from thevladies, but dont worrythe menfolk were there along with Carol as well , so I did not get into trouble I will update the pix as soon as possible. I also had a visit scheduled with Dr. Vrana my local oncologist. We had a frank discussion, because I thought of securing a second opinion at MD Anderson down thecroad! He made it clear to me that it would not just be unwise, but unfruitful! They have the samedata and more than likelybsuggest the same sggressive trestment, which obviously is more difficult, becsuse of my bum kidneys!

Consequently we are staying here in Athens, but will start thectreatments next week as the Doc made it clear to me, that doing nothingvequalled a suicide sttempt on my part. Pretty stark message, but it gave me a boot in the seat of my pants!

Consequently next week, we will start and I just have to push through withvyour support. I am makingvgreat progress on my new " Normal stay tuned, there may be some surprises! If you have read my postscon paradigms, it will eventuellycome together Bless, you have been fantastic!

 

K here is the long awaited post on how I had to look at my paradigms in my creation of my new "Normal! Quick disclaimer all material refers to my own personal situation and does not imply others by either name or their personalities, please comment freely, though! Paradigm definition based on Google search. A typical sample or pattern, example exemplar, template, standard,prototype pattern archetype

In science, they are actually expanding to distinct concepts or thought patterns

I found that interesting! Now since I wetted your interest, I need yo take break as I have a bevy of activities planned for today. I probably will finish this post this evening or tomorrow. Please stay tuned, i will have a number of personal experiences where I had to perform a paradigm shift or sinkPurely my choice! What was really interesting, i did some of it way back as a snot nosed toddler, albeit as J Clapper of NSA would say unwittingly, haha

 
You heardthis pathway I call my new normal will be my Leit motive or guiding principle throughout this post! I found out quickly there is more to a "new " Normal then just saying the words!


I was quickly on a collision course with what I will refer to simply as my personal paradigm! I am aware that the word paradigm paradigm eans different things. to different folks and that is OK There will be always the Jokester who will say 20 cents ( a pair of dimes) if you ask what is a paradigm worth? I also found out that in differentlanguages paradigm could take on its own meaning! Later in this post I will explain and also list the official Webster definition! Let me give you my personal alternative to paradigm


In the Sixties one of the overused phrases was Attitude Readjustment! If the boss said it, you would better look at yourself and make haste in changing your ways! But what about your parents? Where do you think you are going, young man or young lady? You would better change your attitude or look for a place on your own Pretty strong reasons for changing one's way of looking at things, huh? That was at least one of the reasons I wound up in the USA, i kept waiting for dad to leave and when he didn't my mom suggested a paradigm shift on my part! Which was exactly what I needed

Keep that thought in mind, while I explain, how all of this fits into my new normal, basically dictated by my current incurable health condition. It has been a lot of fun and soul searching and definetely the right step allowing me to deal with my currentpredicament. However surprises have sprung up akin to travel on a new road or pathway!


Make sure you leave your comments and run along with me! It helps me to have running Buddy of sorts!Germans refer to this as Leitgeist or spirit of Time


Paradigm- Definition will follow in closing Thanks also to Bob W who received an advance rendition of this post and encouraged me to go for it! I also received encouragement to complete my short story named " Current struggle


Apparently it touched a number of folks in a way I did not anticipat and they pleaded with me to finish thecstory! I will sent it out via email, because of some of the copy and paste function problems. Rather than flood your in boxes i eill await your request via my Apple e mail address at [email protected] or pgoerig@ cloud.com


You can delete the charter. Net address in the future. Give me a couple days to send you the article! I am thanking my daughter for hervterrific input! She is so much better of a writer than I am. Her taking time out and providing me with her insights made my spirit soar Thank you Margaret, especially on the naming of the character issue! Good luck on yours

 

I contacted my Duke oncologist, tonight and informed her, that i lacked the inner emotional and physical strength to commence, what she called aggressive treatments! Without it, I may be a poor candidate and I felt she needed to have this information! How can my body assist in the healing if my tank is empty

Consequently the medical ball is in Duke's court!

However, i need to come up with an action plan to become stronger, both physically and mentally!

One of the thoughts was to find a Spa where Carol and I could check into and get specialized advice and service! But we are not in Europe, where these places are common! I sa w a website from Young Harris, advertising something along those lines, but because of the fall season and people showing up for the change of season, it was difficult to get a reservation!we also considered the beach, but CArol has been driving me all over the place and we scapped that idea!

If any of you on this blog have any ideas along those lines, please sent me a comment and details

Thanks a bunch

 
  1. This word will still play a large part in my next post. Should be fun with everybody it really helped me to see the word from acdifferent angle Panos my Greekvfriend addedquite a bit ofcinsight. He thinks every Rnglish word derives from the Greek language, althouhche does not use Windex to make his points unfortunately, i forgota numberof great points he made and I did not think of recording him! Perhaps he will comment the stuff I left out! He and wife Mary adopted a kitten and that should keep them entertainedTuggingvhere! good night