NOTE! You may finish this particular post or scroll back to the posts where I used methapors such paradigms to assist me in finding this new " Normal
I also received input that I may have neglected to bring on board and as a result they were confused to what I was doing. That is what I am trying to accomplishthis morning, but I also want to be clear, that I am not a writer! Truth to be toldmy night school English teacher way back at Morristown NJ! Would be horrified at my sentence structures , syntax, etc. but hey I passed the 4 day long GED test allowing me to gain emplyment with acgood company. I am also relaying on your brain, which scientifically has been proven to fill in the blanks , including spelling. Also think great writers like Shakespeare require Notes to get you through chapters on Hamlet, right? The last sentence may have been a but harsh, but it was intented as an answer for my own deficiencies.
Through millenia , settlers of Planet Earth knew, that some day creatures such as humans or animals had to make this final journee, what we simply call death! It could be through natural causes where the body just shuts down i doubt it if I would have started a search for my own
I doubt it , if I required a search for my new "Normal however it became a live saver or sort of battlecry allowing meto sort through my dilemma. let's face it I have been dealt a plethora of serious healthcissues, including the latest, that my cancer had returned an will require aggressive treatments. What makes the oncologist's job harder is that I have also bad kidneysand that I require daily dialysis! My body over the pastfew years all the way back to when I was born had to struggle hard just to beat the odds as Helene with Frsenius told me once. The kidney issues are heritidary and my mom passed on the faulty gene to me and my brother unwittingly, just as I did for both of my beloved daughters! I seeked out medical support through Dr Arlene Chapman at Emory and even participated in a cohort study financed by our government. I made changes to my diet,, because research showed at the time, that thevwrong nutrition actually impair the kidneys. We thought we were making progress on the short term to stave off dialysis, just to find out 2 years ago, that my time had come to start dialysis. There are two types. The common Hemo dialysis usually administered in a clinic twice axweek, but this method , because of the high pressures applied is difficult on your body. So I opted for peritoneal dialysis wherethrough asurgically implanted catheder you are hooked up to what is known as accycler on acnightly basis, easier on your body because the toxins are removed prior to entering the blood stream!and since the taskcan be performed by the patient it makes for a better and patient controlledqualityof life. Shortly after I was placed on peritoneal I packed up and flew out to California to take care of my daughter's and roommate 's animals for a month! Her dog and myself drove along the coast of California all the way to Crater Lake Oregon. I even managed to reconnect with an Army Buddy. I had the time of my life for two months. That was the proof for me, thatthere was life after dialysis. Then I hadcto face up that cancer had snuck into myvprostate an I opted for the radical removal surgery. Obvioudly thatvhadcacmajorimpact on my manhood. It is now known that many men after prostatectomy suffer from heightenedcdepression , probably similar data exist for women impctingctheir womanhood. OK what does that have to do with mysearch for my new normal now?we talked earlier about death. Some people deal with it their own way i remember severalvyears ago attending a funeral and one attendee greeted It was his friend I assumed. Hey John it is good to see , but you are getting up in years,, are you going to be next? It almost floored me, and I thought it had tobe the most unsensitive comment I had evercwitnessed! Some people cannot bring themselves to face death understandably so. We all have been part of a loved one departing and as caring survivor we have shared information such as " he is with peace with god. I have been extremely fortunate that although it is the worst category of brain cancer rated at 4, the top assigned number. Goint to Duke and finding Dr Friedman the surgeon, has given me a new lease on life, indeed a special gift on Nov 16 , last year he managed to remove the entire mass according to MRI scans taken right after the surgery. Subsequent treatments such as radiation and Chemo andstrong steriods turned me into moon face, bearly indications seemed to be pronusing, until a couple weeks ago when strongxheadaches an impaired daily activities suchxas tiengxyour own shoes were indicative that somethingxwas remiss. mRI's supported the fact that an additional mass had reappeared and after three days we were informed that they could not perform surgery again as the new mass had shufted!
At that time it hit me likecton of bricks and the need fo my own acceptance became very important
I don' t know when my timecwill come but I decided to hit theissues associated head on!one thing became clear, my healtvissues hadcplaceda tremendous load on them an I couldn't continue in this mode constantly Carol, and both my girls my family in Germany as all siblings came to visit, even a couple if distant nieces. My sister living in Mariettaand steppingcfirward and others friendshadLike Dee seem to have aclockvgo off ehen I would love a chicken buscuit and jyst shows up exactly at thexright time valiantlybecause of my serious healthcissues thecdictor's have disallowed me from driving. Carol had to carrycthis load and it has frustrated me to the point ifcunhappiness, that shechas tivkeeo up with my medicationensuring that I get mycdialysis done and deal with me and mycmood changes as axresult of the steriods and others. Add to that , that I still want to be ofuse! One plan would have me flycto California andrent a house and Margaret ciuld look in on me and we couldcreate relief for Carol. Thecother wouldxinvolvecHouston Texas and perhaps gather a secondmedicalcopinion from Dm Anderson clinic as we had encountered occasional disconnects from Duke to the cancer Centwr here in Athens! I discussed the plan associated with theckead oncologist Dr Vrana and he counselled it as unwise and very bluntly told me thatthectreatments scheduled here in Athens would becthe same in Houston! He even went one step further and said that if I wasxaware a delay could be construed as a suicide attempt. That got mycattention
Consequently, I made the decision as part of my new Normal or survival guide. To keep fighting back, that for thexfireseeable future I wouldxstick with mycexistingmedicalcteam, stillbinvolving Duke and Dr Vrana, but wexwill have toctighten the orocess. I will also explore where I would live, because if thexearlier discussion. I will attemtt to findinner happiness, happiness,despite mycmiserable healthissues that is why I need to be sel reliant, that makes mechappy and as long as I am physically able to perform certain tasks, that producesxinner strengthcwithin me! Hillary saidit is too bad thatI am not Chicago or New York where public transportation wouldxallow me mirecoptions, withoutxa car! Well yesterday. I wound upcwalking from Cvs at Alps home around 3 miles andxstop forcfresh bead an pumpkin spicecfrozen yoghurt alongcthexway. Even attended a neighbor's garage sale and broufht back a n heir loom silent butler. It gave me an incredible lif, although I wasxtired and I had left myccellvphone unchargedxat home. I will haveto modify mycapproach incthexfurure, be cause it left Carol and Dee full ofcworries regarding mycwhhereabouts, butcnow I can feel easier about mycupconingxstressxtest with the cardiologist nextweek!
Part ofvmyfinal chaptwrcrequest iscthat I am full of gratitude to all of you including mycfamily and curcle ofxfriends who supported me in my old normal, so as I transitioncliser to my hopefully settled down ne wNormal' that I can include in my new Normal or new Life ifu will". I would love to ask you face to face for your consent as I havexdone alreadybecause I don't want to assume anything. Undercthe current circumstances that may be inpossible. Consequently, if youvibdeed wantcto join me in my search for my new "normal then drop me avline via mycnew Apple email ID. I establidhed it exactly for thatxpurpose andcitherxtechnical reasons. It comes right to my Ipad and it is easy tocremember. [email protected] will try to cobtact you either via phone or if you are a Facetime user you can reach me viacthat method. Itcis simikar to Skype but bettwr in quality andcyouvcan getrid ofTge Charterr charter ID. They were losing my messagesxanyway!
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