I think we have been waiting for this an my approaching thevend of my new " Normal. Keep in mind it still is fluid and on -going!
If you receive the news, that you have an incurable disease and you are in what theyvclassify a terminal patient everybody is going to handle itvdifferently. I have never been kicked on thecstomach bu a horse orva kickboxer, yet it felt just likevthat when Duke confirmed that more mass had formeandcrequirdcaggressivectreatments, despite my weaknkidneys, in other words the cancer had maditself right at home+ brought reinforcements! on the form of the massIt was overwhelming and almost buckled my knees. On the way back as my sister and Carol was driving, suddenly my new brainbhathedvthatbthought, that we needed to accept that I will have for the rest of my life a new " Normal or new Life, since we don't know how my body will fight along. That part is what I have to draw up for my self! Initially I thought that would beceasy, but as I have written before, the only toolsIIhad myset of paradigms " i had never had brain cancer before. So how dobyouvstart? That is why I used aradigms as a common link.or attitude readjustment ent as the leitmotif. I am still smazed as thecword differs in differentvlanguages, especially in my mothervtongue; German. For instance one of the definitions is Beispiels muster or sample template! If you an engineer, you freely talk about prototype. You see the relationship emerging? Who created this template within us? More thanlikelyour parents, a teacher, a policeman, An Army drill sergeant a boss? A spouse?
Having strong paradigms is a good thingafter all it equips us with a set ofbeliefshowever it could slso be counter productive and literally tie us down, in a way where we don't see thevtrees for thevforest! A good friend of my mindvdeveloped sleep difficulties, because of what was goingon in DC. I decided to invite him for breakfast and seevifvwe could talk outbthe issue over breakfastHere it is when it becomesvinteresting. CArol found about my plans and said, you can't talk to him , he is a Democrat! I replied so what? Bob has a hostvofcsharedcvaluescwith me andcwe both care about the well being ofvour country. The breakfast was atotal success and when I told Bob what Carol had said, hevlaughed outloud and said i am not a real Democrat and then explaoning duringvthe lastvelection he had voted for the best candidate not necessarily for a specific party
To me he had broken thevtemplate and performedvacparadigm shift inbthe classic sense, which I think was verybhealthy. I will still have to go back to the beginning of mybroad and post some ofthe instances where I shifted, because if I did not, I probably would not bevhere. It will be acdifferent post spread over a few days, because right now, I am tryingbto get stronger both mentally and physically to commence my aggressive cancer treatment next week!here sre some conclusions, they may or may not happen word by word , but they have given me that tremndous lightness some psychatrist talkbabout. Yea I know that not everybody feels tremendousvrelief when adifficult decisionbisvreachedcanvwevcanbmovevon! It is notbthat easy when you have acterminal illness slowing down your body
I discoveredthat you body gives you a fantastic healing agent called yourvsense ofvhumor and you can built on that in variouscways. For me is to getvsomeone around me to feel good about something. You would be amazed for instance that commenting on some one's smile the other person just gives back a load ofvpositivevenergy! Infectingvbothbof you! You can instantly reap the results of your action. A simple smile will get bigger and thevpositive energy starts filling your own body. Trybit out sometimes and it is not a gender issue. It works on anybody. Let them know what it means to yoy! Of course I hsveca bit of advantage there when I tell them of my brain cancer and hoe they contributed to make my day! Always have a short funny story ready for thevhardccases who willnot smile to begin with. Another ploy I am usingbis the hat you have commented on. You see I discoveredwhen you arecwearingvachat, even today people expects you know thevproper etiquette and not just individuals who came from a different era! Living ina college town has its advantages and I was amazed how many ofvthevyoung sorotirscsistersvrespondedctoba tip of the hat and when you wave the the entirebhat andvencounterba group ofvthesecsisters you even get a curtsy back. As I said you can have fun and make peoply smile in thevprocess. Gosh, I wish hats wouldvcome back. Remembervthe times women would go all outto wearvthesevwonderful creations and usvguys couldstare at thevhat rather than a certain part ofcthe eomen's anatomy. Too bad for that part of bygone era! What do you think! You see for meto keep me focussed I havecestablished a soft countbtotal per day. Itry to get st least three smiles aay. Women or men, doesn't make difference. Men need smiles ,too
That project makes you get off thevcouch and walkboutside orvto thestore orvtestaurant. Take your pick! it is worth it. Reader's Digest, remember that publication had at lest one section deboted to Lsughtervis the best medicine. I used tobrushbout and getvthevlatest cop, totally overlooking any otherstories, untilbreading that section and thevmilitaryvhumor section
Here iscehere I am heading as part of my journee and the choices I have made they aredtill fluid in the embronic stage! At one timecwecdiscussedcthat I couldvgo out to california provide rest for Carol my care giver. She had to pick up axtremendousvload in driving me keepingvup with my changing moods anddoctor's appointments. Ifvyou have ever been av24?ht pervday caregiver youbknow what I am talking aboutthe other option was to go to HoustonTexascfor axsecondopion as we had somevproblems withvDuke controllingvthevprotocoll for my treatments, but theAthens cancer clinic zctully doin the treatments
I decided to take the experts advice and will stay pu trightere in Athens where my doctors andvfriends are
First of all let me thank everybody on this blog, who werepart of my old "Normal. You have donecavgreat service to me and pushed orccuddled me along, especially myvwife Carol and both my daughters!i alsovreceivedcgreat help from otherscsychcas Bob Carsonvin taking of tieingvup myvfinancialbinterest and makingvusbmoney!Lastly to make itveasier on Carol, I may relocate within
The key here is i want to keep recapturing my skills and take the load the groups mentionedcearlier. I am making progress there. I walkedcat least three miles on my own. If youvfamiliar with Cvs at Alps here in Athens and our home you know thecterrain and the hills so I thought of it as a tremendousvsuccess
Tomorrow I will bevposting onvwhat I am titling the body's shutdown, which I am experiencing and Ivwill likenbit to computers even we are talking about my final journeytinterestingthings are happening to my body. Please let me know ifvyou want me to write about that segmentI have joinedca Twitter account for the solecreason to stalk, Bill Gates. He hascdone aclot ofresearch on thevhumans notvusingcallbofvtheirvbrain. Well after Dr Friedmanremovedcthecfirst mass , my brain reconfigureditselfvin axway, wheremy whole thinking process was impacted and I thinkbutilized some ofvthat previously unusedc areacofvmyvbrain, sort ofcacsoftcswitch occurred. It lasted aboutvthree days and then it was gone. Initially I thought Dr Friedman hadcgiven me a new brain, whichchecdenied, but wouldn't it be wonderful ifvit wasvpossible tovredirect your brainbin such acway. It wascincrediblecfor me. Almost ScIFi
Just think, i was working on a n issue, requiring ultimately, that the case probably wouldvwind up at thecSupreme Court. I have had legalbtraining, but that night I was discussing my reasoningvto Judge Roberts inblegalbterms
Wild, huh?let me know, I have somevother hum dingers, but right now I am tryingvto findvout more sboutvTwitter sovIvcan get invtouch withvBillbGates. If youbknow, let me know
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